Monday

Baby had a rough night breathing again.
Got up, ready, started tube feeding baby. She was almost done...then started having a seizure...then threw up...the clock was ticking...I needed to get Shane and Shelby up...she was still seizing and gurgling...
Eventually I got S&S up and going.
While working on breakfast, Shane was being rude to Shelby. I was calling him out on that behavior. Out of the blue, he tells me how hurt he is I haven't put anything of his on the fridge then proceeds to bring out a 1/2 inch thick wooden heart he made me last year and informed me I never put it on the fridge.
It's now on the wall.
I took Baby to her dentist appt and got more seizure meds from the pharmancy.
Got to Grandma's. Before I could sign in, the receptionist told me the executive director wanted to speak to me. The dang poodle was getting evicted. Too many complaints. Then she asked about the baby. The baby's story made her cry. She told me I have too much going on to take the blasted dog home right away.
Grandma and I ate in the dining hall and played a game of scrabble.
Baby and I went to a grocery store for a few things.
Got home in time to make a couple phone calls before Shelby came home.
Homework = tears and whining and disrespect. A couple time outs were used. Homework was completed.
Started on dinner. More seizures from Baby.
Boys arrived home after school, wrestling and an ortho appt for Shane. He now has an arch widener. Again. His poor mouth.
We ate. in the family room because there are too many ants in the kitchen near our table. Baby had a yummy bath. Steve loved on her while I was ubber productive woman.
Christmas cards are DONE - phew! Ready for the mailbox tomorrow. Christmas decoration has started. barely but a little.
Need to get Baby's final feed ready and go to bed.
Monday. It's been real.

Milk

While at my Grandma's today, we had a picnic on the sofa. She shared her meal with her poodle and I used one hand to tube feed Baby and the other hand to eat my lunch with. Later, she gave her poodle some of her vanilla milkshake into his bowl. I told her I didn't think it was good for dogs to have milk. She said she hadn't heard that. Baby had a hard seizure and she threw up all her formula. I cleaned her up, changed her clothes and my Grandma looked at me and said, "Maybe milk isn't good for babies either." ;)

Baby Update

Sweet baby girl:

• is 5 1/2 months old. 
• had her eye doctor appointment and has cortical visual impairment.
• Starts therapy this week
• has her first cleft closure surgery scheduled for January
• has been given the green light to add prune juice via tube to her diet to attempt to help the constipation
• started having a seizure today as I walked out of my bathroom, I glanced at her then I saw throw up rushing up into her mouth/nose area and heard her gurgle/make a help me I'm drowning sound. Immediately, I laid her on her side and used a burp rag to get everything out with the suction nearby. Later today, the same thing happened again poor thing. 
• wears 9 month clothing. I've been using long sleeved shirts and pants during the day to make the tube feedings go better
• will be going with me to talk to the graduating class of foster parents again
• Has been making more sounds lately - it's been awesome!!!
• had horrible night sleep 3 nights in a row but the last two nights - now that's what I'm talking about!!! :)
• Has been with us for 8 weeks
• Finally saw her social worker yesterday for said social workers first visit to our house. She's leaving in 3 weeks for medical leave.
• is so very, very loved!!! :)

Thankful

Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. As frazzled as I am with so many things happening w/Baby A, my Grandma, Steve, and the kids, I am so beyond grateful for all that God has blessed me with.

Baby A is such a special, miraculous baby girl. We finally received paperwork re: her payment and it says she has NO special needs and needs NO specialized care. Yeah, anyways. Her SW is finally back in town and is coming over next Wednesday. This will be one of many issues we discuss.

Grandma - it's now been 1 year since APS got involved and therefore I've been involved in a daily manner. Her dog continues to cause problems at the new place - barking, peeing inside, pooping inside, and now peeing and pooping in her bedding that the housekeeper discovered. I received a phone call regarding her dog from her facility. I'm just waiting for the official eviction notice. Maybe they're waiting for the holiday to be over. She says if he goes, she goes. I'm NOT looking forward to dealing with that battle. My uncle (her oldest son) wrote an e-mail asking me for her address to send her flowers next week on her birthday. NOTHING about how is she doing, how are things going, how are you, etc. Maybe I was feeling extra snarky but that bugged me.

Steve's hips and bursitis have been an ongoing issue lately and now that the weather's been changing, that affects his hip replacements even more. He's been able to stay out of the bedroom during his down time though and that's made a big difference. For all of us.

Shane is still wrestling. He slept under the baby's crib last night and claims he got the best night of sleep ever. He did sleep until 10:40. How he was comfortable is beyond me. His ADHD is definitely at an all time high and he continues to have difficulty reigning it in.

Shelby continues to test the limits - with everything from her attitude to her lack of trying to sit back in her wheelchair. Her developmental/cognitive delays are becoming more apparent at certain times - she has to read 10 pages a day. She was on page 130. Her question to me: What page do I stop on?

Moose is finally in adoption mode after his fos-adopt family took him almost a year ago. We are so happy for them. Miracle Man is now crawling - ecstatic for his new family. Still can't get over how amazing it was to hang out w/JoJo at his Adoption Party a couple weeks ago.

Need a huge chunk of time to just focus on getting the house in order. Not quite sure how I'm going to do that. Today - dropped Baby off at visit w/Biomom, drove to Grandma's, drove back to pick up baby, drove home to pick up Shane, took him to his ortho appt, drove home, started the basic chores - not the extra stuff that is driving me crazy. Doing some slow and steady work but not as much as I'd like but in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter.

I'm thankful for my life. Busy (Baby still has 4-5 weekly appointments on average) + my Grandma + my family but with God, I have peace and grace. Out of everything, I am most thankful for that: grace.

Moment in time

I was on the phone w/the computer fix it people. Had 45 min before I had to leave to pick up Shane. Shelby had to go potty. The computer peeps said they'd call back in 5. Great. Take Shelby potty. Grab a diaper for Baby. They called back. Working with them while they try to remotely access my computer. Change baby. Times ticking to get Shane. Tube feed Baby. Still on phone. Need to go soon. Shelby has to go potty. Again. Ask the man to hold on for a second while I hooked Shelby back to lift system. Helping Shelby meant I had to lift Baby right after a feed. Recipe for disaster. Put her in pram. Grab suction. Times ticking. Call Steve from cell to ask about what time Shane REALLY gets out of practice. It starts raining. Man finally hangs up after giving me last minute instructions. Shelby wants to be left on the potty chair while I'm gone. Put Baby in car seat. Buckle her into car seat. Frantically head to school - don't want my boy to think I forgot about him...try to figure out where to park. Call Steve again. Wait for Shane. Baby has a seizure. Needs to be suctioned. Waiting for Shane. Has he already looked for me then headed the back way out of school to home? Mommy guilt. Praying Shelby doesn't startle while I am gone and do a head dive onto the tile floor. Finally see Shane. Phew! Baby's still seizing. Bad breathing. Zip home. Oreo barks at our arrival. Uh oh, hope that didn't cause a startle. Get inside. Wipe Shelby. Put her back in power chair. Clean up potty chair. Suction baby. Document seizures on my phone. Shelby asks me if she is "severely disabled" because that's what I told the computer man on the phone while trying to explain why I couldn't stay in front of my computer screen. My mommy heart hurts. Yes honey, that's what you are. She zooms off to get ready for her friend. I tend to "my" sweet baby. Talk to Shane. Take a breath. All is ok again. We made it. God is good & so is pizza delivery

Up A-L-L Night

Last night Baby and I went to sleep. Nothing unusual. Little did I know it would be a night to remember since the poor little thing got the worst congestion and was so very fussy. I desperately wished I could suction it out of her but instead, she fussed and I did everything I could to comfort her. Finally around 5:30, things started getting better and by 6, she didn't sound wet/juicy any more. I still called and made a pediatrician appointment to rule out pneumonia. I'd rather look dumb and have it be nothing than risk "my" sweet medically complicated girl being sicker than I realized. Around 6:20 a.m. I called the home visit person for today to cancel. She called me shortly after the designated time to meet and she didn't get the message before she drove to my house. Oops! I felt major foster mommy guilt. Then it was a pickle trying to find a date in my crammed schedule this week. We settled on Friday after Baby's biomom visit.

Today still has a photo session, lots of reading homework w/Shelby, the boys coming home from wrestling, an early dinner, a former respite client coming over to meet the baby, shopping at Wal-Mart, etc. There's nothing better than realizing you're out of bread (well, fresh/not stale) until you're trying to make sandwiches in your sleep deprived state!!!

Appreciating life and service

Today's Veteran's Day and we are deeply appreciative of all Veterans - friends/family who have served, all the thousands who have served over the years, their wives/husbands and families, so thankful.

Today was a funeral for a woman who died in a car accident leaving a husband and 5 kids behind - 2 w/severe special needs. Made me think about life and how grateful I am to be alive. Baby has a shorted life expectancy...my dad's 1 year anniversary is coming up, my mom's been gone for years, I'm only in my 30's and an only child...Steve's mom died when the kids were babies...one of our foster blessings was on hospice...thinking about the election and people running for various positions that are pro abortion/partial birth abortion/ or ok w/allowing abortion until moments before a baby is born...ugh...life is so very precious.

I visited my Grandma before the funeral and at almost 89, know that her time is limited too...

Then tonight I went to the van to look for library books and the stars were out and so bright and limitless and I know that despite death, God is so much bigger. And I am so humbled and relieved at that thought.