Grieving

I need to call Moose's SW on Monday.

My dad's situation has continued to get worse. The latest diagnosis: Stage 4 Metastisized Lung Cancer. His prognosis is months to live. Darlene wants me to fly out there in the next week or 2 and visit w/my dad and they will get married while I'm there.

My Grandma's Alzheimer's is another situation that involves daily visits and calls every two hours throughout the day. 

I am grieving the loss of Moose because we aren't necessarily finishing our time with him the way I thought we would. We've always been committed to keeping "our" babies until they start their happily ever after with their forever families. Moose's SW has been "very particular" about finding him a new placement - a fos-adopt home. I don't know if she's truly even looking.   The trial has been continued until 2 weeks from now. I've been told a lot of trials are being continued until the new year. Because of my dad's situation, I'll be flying to Arizona at least 3 times in the next few months.  I don't want to take Moose with me and it's not fair to put him into a respite situation over and over. I had wanted this to be like other times w/"our" other babies where they had a meeting w/ a new family, multiple visits, etc. before they moved permanently with the new family. I don't want to do anything that will make the situation worse for this sweet little momma's boy. He was laughing big belly laughs for Steve tonight. Melted my heart.  Esp. after multiple conversations w/Darlene about my dad...and conversations w/my grandma like when Chinese food was brought up and she said how long it's been since she's eaten any chinese food. We ate it for lunch together last Saturday :(  I feel guilty making Moose go with me to visit my grandma every day and all of the other appointments I've had to go with her too but he has truly been unbelievable. However, it will be much easier doing the Arizona visits and Grandma visits without this precious baby.  My guilty conscience will be absolved with not lugging him all over the place.

Another reason I'm grieving is Moose has truly been the happiest, cutest, most amazing baby ever, our time is running short because of MY extenuating circumstances and he will be the last baby we have until my Grandma goes to Heaven and that hurts my heart. Both my dad and my grandma will be gone before another baby can be welcomed with open arms into my home. I can't even begin to express how much I adore each and every baby we've been blessed to love on. Fostering babies is my passion. It's what I'm good at. It's my sweet spot. It's what I was created for. It's what I was born to do. My heart won't be complete until I can do it again and I'm already missing having a baby when Moose hasn't even left yet. I absolutely treasure these last days with him. How I will miss him, his smile, the way he chews on my knuckles, the way he is ticklish, the smiles he gives me, the way he loves Shane, the way he munches on Shelby's powerchair joystick hardware, the way he melts into my body when we snuggle, the way he devours his food, oh my goodness...so many transitions coming up, grateful beyond words for God granting us this memorable time with Moose and praying for his new home.