Today would have been my mom's 61st birthday. She loved Mexican food so we picked up my Grandma and took her to a Mexican restaurant none of us have been to before in my mom's memory. It's been hard w/my Grandma's memory issues - trying to keep my mom's memory alive.
After we got home, our friends came over and we all watched the Super Bowl together - very mellow/low-key.
Meanwhile, waiting for the phone to ring to get "the call" - however, on the other hand, grateful it hasn't rung because that means no baby is in crisis and also, we have a busy week w/3 appts for my grandma, one for Shelby and I'm scheduled to take Shane and some buddies to a winter camp 2 hours away on Friday.
Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about my mom and my dad - I actually put both their death certificates in the safe today - and thinking about choices my dad's girlfriend has made. Always tried to get acceptance/love/affection from him in life and that never quite worked out too well. In death, per his will, I was completely ignored...well, until his girlfriend dies. Since my dad and I were never very close due to his alcoholism/verbal + emotional abuse, I always hoped to have a warm and loving relationship. Steve thought it odd that I was upset about his death. Not only did his death make me parent-less, it also took away any possibility in achieving what I so desperately wanted in life. Then to get rejected once again in the will..... it's not about the money - it's about acknowledgment I think and feeling that once again, for whatever reason, I didn't measure up.
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