Simplify

Simplify your life. 

Lose the distractions and remember your focus. 

It's all about Jesus

Love the new family!!

Yesterday I received the e-mail from Baby's new mommy saying yes they want to adopt him PRAISE GOD and after that I received several more e-mails from them, a facebook request from the new mommy and today we began texting in addition to everything else! I am beyond ecstatic for Baby's new family - a Christian family, he will have brothers and sisters, his new momma believes in baby wearing, she homeschools, they have grandparents nearby...it's perfect. So God.

Yesterday was BUSY - breakfast w/my dad's girlfriend, home, respite came over, I made a quick trip to my grandma's, home then dinner w/Darlene (dad's girlfriend) then home.

Today was MELLOW - Baby slept a lot, played a bit, got snuggled a ton, we went to church, came home and have been texting/e-mailing his new momma...

I am just thrilled for Baby and Baby's new family...so, so happy, ecstatic and at peace with everything.

Today was the 12 year anniversary of me going into the hospital in full blown labor. The doctors gave me medication to stop the labor temporarily but usually this is an emotionally hard day for me since I usually feel like an epic failure but today I did ok. I know everything happened for a reason and God orchestrated it all but I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd go to the hospital 28 weeks pregnant and deliver my twins at 29 weeks...but God did :)

They said YES!!!

An e-mail from the potential mommy I met yesterday:

"Hi Jennifer -

 

This is ****** *****. We met yesterday at the disclosure meeting with ****** ******, regarding *******. I wanted to touch base with you and say a HUGE thank you for the detailed information that you provided about *******. What a blessing that is to us!

 

I prayed all the way home from ********** and talked with my husband when he arrived home late last night. We have decided that we want to be *******'s forever family! I have notified our social worker and she will be liasing with ******* regarding transition. I don't know how the timing will work but I know that we will definitely be in touch.

 

Thank you again, from the depths of my heart from one mother to another, for the incredible love and care you have provided for *******. Starting since January I have been praying specifically for the child that God would bring to our home - that he/she would be safe, healthy, and know that Jesus loves him more than any parent ever, ever could. You and your husband have been used by God to answer that prayer.  Thank you.

 

I know that we'll be in touch!!

 

*******"

WOW - praise God - thank you Jesus so very much for bringing a Christian family to Baby to be his forever family - a homeschooling, baby wearing family where Baby will have 4 older siblings to love on him. I am so forever grateful.

Emotions Running High

This morning Shelby, the Baby and I met Darlene (my dad's girlfriend) for breakfast. This was the first time I've seen her since my dad's Celebration of Life.   Multi-tasking to the extreme - trying to feed Shelby, bottle feed baby and eat my own breakfast...made for some quick decision making at times :) I was grateful for the conversation to flow well.

After we arrived home, I got everything ready for Baby's meeting with his potential future mommy. I was told to wait in the adoption waiting room for about 15 minutes then I went into another room where the possible mommy + her social worker were. The 4 of us - both SWs plus both mommies sat at a table, Baby stood on my lap and we discussed everything possible to give the new mommy a better idea of Baby's special needs, his routine, his meds, his quirks, etc.  I had a boatload of paperwork for them w/all different pertinent information and pictures, of course. I feel really good about this family and can't wait to hear from the Social Worker tomorrow what her decision was.  If they do say yes, they wouldn't permanently take him for a couple weeks due to their vacation plans as well as Baby's social worker's 2 week vacation.  I was mentally preparing myself for him to leave soon...now he's not....maybe they won't even say yes...roller coaster of emotions going up and down and up and down...have loved him with a passion for 19 weeks and knew this time was coming and am so ecstatic for him but at the same time, I will miss my little heart healer....

We didn't have long at home before we left to go eat dinner w/Darlene. We went to Shane's favorite restaurant and overindulged!!!  I learned that Darlene will most likely be moving closer to her family in the next year or so. I have dozens of conflicting emotions about her and as we were saying goodbye, Darlene gave us the box with my dad's ashes. (Due to accessibility issues, she is doing a different spreading of the ashes than we will.)

We got home, Baby had a fun time playing (we were finally HOME!!!) and taking his bath. We did our usual routine. I am exhausted - emotionally, physically...etc.

Jammies

We are really getting into our summer groove around here - the mornings are flowing so well getting everyone up and ready for their day - Shane & sports camp/Baby, Shelby and I to Nanny's (my grandma's house). Each morning I've brought something different for us to eat for brunch and today I made muffins - with our semi-mini muffin pan and they turned out so good and moist!! ;)

The Baby did spectacular the entire trip over (30 minutes), our visit there (almost 2 hours) and the ride home (30 minutes).

I was able to be super productive when we got home since the little guy was sleeping, I updated and printed out all the important paperwork to take tomorrow when Baby meets who might become his forever family.

Shane returned from camp, he and I ate lunch, the big kids did their reading then Shelby, the Baby and I were off to her first appointment with a new therapist. I really, really like this counselor already. She gave Shelby "homework" and we have a follow up appointment. As we were leaving, I was holding Baby waiting for Shelby to figure out how to get on the ramp of the van when a woman stepped out of her car asking if we needed help. Super nice of her - I explained thank you but no, we've had the van for 8 years and Shelby knows how to get on....it just doesn't always look like it!  Then once Shelby finally got herself on the ramp and it was powering up, a car parked in the other disabled spot next to us, on the hash mark lines. Nice.

Steve had just barely beat us home and I got to hear the full story of this morning, when he was taking LightRail to work, he wound up seeing the grandma of a former foster blessing of ours - our first baby girl we were blessed on to love for 3 weeks. I later e-mailed the grandma and she responded with PICTURES!!! I can't believe that newborn is 2 YEARS old!!! Wow - time flies!!!

We had a good night - yummy BBQ type dinner, kids did their thing w/minimal bickering, I gave Shelby her shower and when Steve was helping me transfer Shelby back into her powerchair, Shane had been in the office w/Baby who was in his bouncy chair. A few minutes later, a VERY proud Shane appears carrying Baby. He changed Baby into jammies!!! Granted the top didn't match the bottom and he didn't change his diaper and I do onsies for nighttime but Shane was so pumped and proud of himself and apparently Baby looked a little surprised at who was doing the clothing change but then quickly started giggling at Shane during the process - it was such a truly sweet moment for both boys. Love, love, love it!!!! I've been stressing thinking about others before yourself and I was just so happy for such a great experience for them.

We watched the Olympic Trials again and AGT again, did bible study and prayers with the kids and I'm at peace about tomorrow. Shelby, Baby and I meet my dad's girlfriend tomorrow for breakfast (she drove into town today), Shelby has respite while I take Baby to meet his Maybe Mommy, then the whole family is meeting Darlene at Shane's FAVORITE restaurant.

Turning Negativity Around

The other day I heard something on KLOVE that stuck with me about when you want to complain about your day at work, you think about the people who are out of work or if you are about to whine about having a bad hair day, you think about people undergoing chemo and basically you turn your negativity around. This morning I was practicing that while picking up dog poop in the house, cleaning up dog puke and finding cat puke on my comforter. All before 6:30 a.m.

Today just flowed really well - Steve and I have a system that works with what time we each get up, he goes off to work and I get ready for the day, get Shane up and going for sports camp, take care of the Baby, get Shelby up and ready and depending on Baby's nap schedule for the day, we do our earlier than usual visit to my Grandma's. Today we ate brunch, played scrabble and hung out with the Baby. We got home before Shane returned from camp and I fixed my famished boy a jumbo sized lunch.

This afternoon was meltdown free - it was fantastic!! We spent some time outside and the Baby loved it. Shane humored Shelby and played tag - it's kinda hard to play when one person's in a wheelchair - similar to when she wants to play hide and seek...there's only so many places she can "hide"...anyways, I made an early dinner, left the 3 kids w/Steve while I met Tammy at a parenting class then returned home to give Baby a bath and get him set for bed.

The rest of us watched Olympic trials and America's Got Talent again - well, I did while reading Karen Kingsbury's latest on my Kindle :)

Shelby-isms

Shelby - almost 12, is "famous" for her sayings around here. From today:

• "That tree's getting big" - referring to a redwood tree that's the same size it's been the 3 years we've lived here.
• "I wish we were going to see Grandma" - said en route to visit my Grandma - she was referring to seeing my mom who died almost 4 years ago. Me too honey, me too.
• "Are you going to get Alzheimer's like Nanny?" I don't know I told her and asked why she asked. "Because what if you forget how to take me potty when you are her age?" - Shelby uses a power wheelchair for mobility and needs maximum assistance to use the bathroom. We are supposed to be getting an overhead track system soon w/a special lift system. Honestly, I don't think that far ahead. And I certainly haven't thought about how I'm going to take my daughter to the bathroom in 51 more years (my Grandma's 88)!!!
• We played a bunch of games of Candyland today. She's really hoping we'll buy the "new" version - one I haven't seen yet.

Shane started sports camp today and had a great time. Shelby, the Baby and I went to visit my Grandma, made her brunch, played scrabble then headed home to get here before Shane walked home from camp.  We had lunch and they did their chores and 30 minutes of reading.

We had an early dinner, I took the Baby to Wal-Mart - and front packed him the entire time until after I loaded the conveyer belt with groceries then pulled him out, snuggled him and he instantly went to sleep - it was so sweet!

We watched the Olympic trials tonight then AGT and made homemade frosting for the angel food cake my Grandma was talking about craving today. Baby's been doing weird bedtime things like being fast asleep then wide awake at 9 p.m.

I never head back from his social worker about my questions or if he forwarded on my "Moment-by-Moment" list to help Baby's potential new family he meets on Thursday get to know Baby better.

One of my favorite authors released her final book of a really long series today...so many "endings" and anniversaries of "losses" this week - here's just one more!

Giggles

Today was a chill day in the grande scheme of things:
Shane went off to football "practice," Shelby and I had fun baby time in her bed after she woke up, we did our morning thing, the boys got home, I dropped Shane off at a friend's while I took Baby to visit my Grandma. I ate, we played scrabble, we played with the baby, I left and picked up Shane. Shelby and I played games (Guess Who and Candyland), we had dinner, & I gave the baby a bath. Shane asked what was for dessert. I said we could look for recipes for certain ingredients I had. He had a different idea - to make brownies from scratch and add Rolo's to the batter. Baby had NO "meth moments" tonight!!!! Around 9 p.m.. he got the biggest case of the giggles - it was precious!! He was lying on my lap and everytime I looked down at him, he would bust out and giggle and giggle - all his dimples in full glory - it was breathtaking!!!  Earlier today I worked on a "Moment-By-Moment" for his potential future mommy he gets to meet on Thursday - with everything from his meds, how he drinks, burps, bathes, naps, etc. and well, it's 5 pages. Whomever he ends up with will be very well prepared!! ;)

This week's big events:

• Shelby starts counseling on Wednesday
• I see my dad's girlfriend on Thursday, probably with my dad's ashes + Baby meets his potential future mommy
• Friday is the 12 year anniversary of when I went to the hospital to have my twins 12 weeks too soon. They ultimately were born 11 weeks preemie but it's still a rough day for me.

Irony

Today Steve went to a friend's dad's funeral so he was gone all day.

Meanwhile, the kids and I hung out at home until we left to pick up Taco Bell en route to my Grandma's house. They got 2 things wrong and both had to do w/my Grandma's order. Oops.  We played scrabble - Shane even played with my Grandma and I and I won again - oops.  Before we left Shane asked to play Angry Birds on my phone. I said sure. Where did he play a bird game? In a tree he climbed in my Grandma's front yard.  Ironic.

At home, both kids were excited to do different things on their computers. Shelby loves to watch videos and she goes in spurts watching different shows. Her latest? Supernanny. Yes, the child who has mega monster meltdowns loves Supernanny. Ironic.

After dinner, we headed to church.  Baby who had been having an off day, was in desperate need of a nap. They were short staffed in the Nursery so he stayed with me, fell asleep for a while but then woke up and I couldn't take him to the nursery. Ironic. We wound up watching the sermon on the big screen in the lobby when a friend came over and talked to me about Baby and other things. Maybe that's just the way tonight was supposed to work out ;)

As soon as we arrived home, I spotted Kona poop - grrrr - she's been on ear infection meds for weeks and she is still pooping in the house - w/everything going on - this is my last straw - seeing dog pee/poop....  I friend texted me to see how I was and venting was great :)

Thinking about this Thursday how I will see my dad's girlfriend and possibly get my dad's ashes on the same day I meet who might become Baby's forever family...loss - in two totally different ways...both events happening on the same day...again - ironic.

A Family???

Today started off w/an appointment at a place that provides free baby food to foster babies. While I was waiting to be seen, I received a phone call that there is a family that has expressed interest in Baby!!! Wahoo!!! The plan is for the Baby and I to go to the main county building next Thursday and we will meet the potential new mommy and the potential new daddy will be teleconferenced in.  I am beyond ecstatic for Baby - esp. because so many people said no one would want this miracle baby.

I went to my Grandma's - we ate, went through her mail, I brought over a bunch of library books for her and we played a game of scrabble.

After I arrived home, I told everyone the news. Shelby wants to know why we can't adopt Baby. I told her I don't believe he was ever meant to be "ours" but we prayed outloud anyways for God to reveal his will for this precious baby.

Baby's name is a book in the Bible so Shelby told me she wanted to read that particular book to see if it said anything about (our last name) adopting a baby named (Baby's name/the book in the Bible) - so sweet!!

In November, APS got involved with my Grandma due to one particular individual. That individual texted me today and brought up more emotions (emotions were already flowing due to the possibility of Baby who we've loved with a passion for the past 18 weeks leaving soon...and the radio played a song from my mom's Celebration of Life today....and my dad's girlfriend will be coming this week w/some of my dad's ashes...). Despite everything that happened, I was very friendly in the course of our texting and even during a particular request of hers, I took the high road despite thinking "bad" thoughts.

The rest of the day flowed along well ... kids did their reading, Steve was home all day again (love him taking time off work!!!), he did some yard work, kids did well together, Baby did well...During my bible study time, it talked about suffering trials....yup, I'm going through a few...

Needed Rest

Today was overall a very chill day and it was exactly what I needed after the week I've had w/Shelby making serious comments to her camp counselor, Shane's grades causing no football to occur this fall, Baby's adoption social worker doing nothing to find him a forever family, my Grandma's lungs becoming even more compromised, Steve and his headaches, it's been a lot...

A girlfriend came over, Baby took an awesome nap and later Steve and I left Shane and Shelby home for a bit while we ran to get dog food at the feed store, buy a couple things at the Farmer's Market and a couple things at CVS since we got invited to a last minute birthday party.

We went to the birthday party and actually had a really, really good time - it was much more fun and relaxed than I thought it might be (since the daughter is a new friend of Shelby's, her mom and a "grandma" that's living with them. The brother was out of town w/grandparents.).

I ended the evening w/the baby snuggled up sleeping on me and read a short story on my Kindle. Ahhh....:)

Shocking Revelations

Shane, Baby and I did our thing this morning. Steve had left at 5 a.m. to pick up Shelby from camp.

En route to visit Grandma, I received a text from Steve telling me the lead person at Shelby's camp pulled him aside and told him what Shelby told a camp counselor last night. Then, Shelby proceeded to lie multiple times about different things, among them, having an accident at camp and what happened to those particular pants that were worn during that time frame.

I immediately texted certain people asking for prayer.

Shane, Baby and I hung out w/Grandma, ate lunch, and played scrabble.
We spent almost an hour at the nearby library.  Baby finally decided to become unconstipated there ;)
We went to Shane's ortho appt to fix his retainer. An incoming tooth is the culprit of why it all of a sudden isn't fitting properly.
We splurged at Big Spoon. Yum.

We arrived home, I e-mailed Shelby's doctor, I contacted the wife of our church's middle school ministry leader, I facebook messaged the pastor of our church and I did a vague facebook post asking for prayers.

Steve and Shelby came home earlier than planned since they didn't make a single stop in the 6 hour journey home.

Shelby and I talked about what the camp counselor said, about her seizure, her accident, her lying to Daddy and all about her camp experience.
I p/u mexican food for us to have for dinner. Right before I arrived home, Baby decided to further relieve his bowels and apparently it was a father-son clean up job - if I only could've been a fly on the wall!!! ;)
I started making apple crisp for comfort food (it reminded me of my mom) and Shelby told me no - that's what biggest loser people do - sometime she can be so perceptive and other times so dense...
Steve went to bed early, the kids and I watched a Disney movie, Baby had a rough night.
We did bible study, prayers and the kids (all 3) went to bed.

Being Bold

I do not like arguments, criticism, yelling, screaming or conflicts.

However today I stirred the pot which is very unusual for me.

1. Baby's social worker claimed in his visit that he isn't doing ANYTHING to find Baby a home other than but Baby's bio sheet in a binder that gets taken to Adoption fairs. I sent him another e-mail today asking if he looked through the lists they have of families waiting to adopt to see if Baby would be a good match and/or if he routinely calls adoptive agencies to find out what families they have available that may be a good match for a child.  I expressed my sadness over the lack of effort being made over finding Baby a forever family. Adoption worker e-mailed back saying "I'm sorry that you feel that I am not doing more to find a home."  Dude - you told me you made no calls, put him on no photolistings and waited for families to call YOU.
2. I e-mailed my Grandma's two sons w/updates of her last 3 doctor's appointments and put it out there that maybe their 5 children could call or write to my Grandma. Some days it feels like I'm the only family she has when she has 2 sons, 7 other grandchildren and a ton of great-grandchildren.  I was probably out of line there too suggesting that maybe they (the sons) and/or their children could call her and/or write her. 
3. Steve and I are still getting tons of flack from people not agreeing with us keeping Shane out of football due to his grades.  I can understand both sides. It's still stressful since I'm such a people pleaser.

On the bright side, today went smoothly (mostly) - the potty chair fix it man came first thing this morning, Shane slept in crazy late, I left w/Baby to get an oil change. (I kept him on my lap during the process and he did awesome - it was so cute - he was munching on the steering wheel and having a good ole time), then he and I went to my Grandma's. I worked on her meds, we played scrabble and ate lunch then I picked up a treat for Shane (who's mouth was hurting due to retainer issues). Baby took a monster nap on my belly which insisted I have some down time so Shane and I watched a movie together. I sent a message to a friend of a friend who trains people on being foster/adoptive parents and she is helping me look for a forever family for Baby. She and I actually had a great text conversation this evening. After a yummy dinner once Steve got home, Shane and I left to fill up the van w/gas (tomorrow Steve picks up Shelby from camp) then we went to the sports camp meeting (leave it to Baby to have a "meth moment" while the coaches were talking) then off to pick up a few things at a grocery store.   Steve had a headache, Baby got a bath, I was texting to different people and responding to more of the facebook craziness I started by talking about Shane not doing football....dealing w/Shane having issues w/not playing football....Baby didn't want to stay sleeping in his crib....it's almost midnight and it's still going on......

Football's a No Go

It was the weirdest thing waking up today w/o Shane AND Shelby - still had Baby but don't remember a time when BOTH big kids were gone overnight.

For the first time in almost 18 weeks, I used a babysitter for Baby and he did INCREDIBLE!!!! I was so, so relieved. While Rachel was over, I:

• went to the bank
• P/u my Grandma
• Took her to her heart doctor (she lost weight - again)
• Took her to lunch (oh my goodness - it was delicious!!)
• Took her back home
• Went to Safeway to figure out an inhaler issue
• Came home

Shortly after I arrived home, the wheelchair fix it man came over again and added more things to Shelby's manual chair. Steve was awesome and swung by two pharmacies on the way home - one for Baby's special medicine and the vet's office to p/u more ear infection meds for Kona since she's back to pooping in the house AGAIN - ugh!!!

While going through the mail, I found the kid's report cards. It was our agreement with Shane that he had to earn C's or better to be allowed to play football. We felt confident he would be successful (despite his horrific test taking "skills") so we had already paid for football and asked the pediatrician for the physical form for his coach. Well, today we found out that he received a C- in one of his core classes. As always, I can see both sides. We made a "deal" with Shane. We have to honor that. He needs to trust that good or bad, we follow through w/what we say and whatever the agreement is that we might make with him. I also can see how playing team sports can teach him way more than any social studies class ever could. However, in school, in sports, doing chores, etc - he NEVER tries his hardest - even playing a sport he claims he loves. No matter what the consequences might be - whether we take away his electronics or give him more chores - it doesn't matter. What's truly surprised me is how many people think we should allow him to play football - from Steve to his dad to my grandma, our friend's dad who's a football coach....On the positive side of following through with our agreement, we save money, Steve and I don't have to volunteer or sell candy/cookie dough, etc, & we have more family time due to how many days a week football practice is and how it's always a full day Saturday adventure. 








We received a call to take a 3 month old baby girl. We said no due to Baby.  :(
Baby's decided that it's not even close to bedtime until after 10 p.m. lately - eek!!

Father's Day 2012

Summary: Today we went out to breakfast, church, came home, and Papa &
Donna came over for dinner.

Digging Deeper: I'm an only child. My mom died almost 4 years ago from pancreatic cancer. My dad died 6 months ago today from lung cancer. My dad was not an easy man to love and my emotional scars run deep from the verbal and emotional abuse I suffered as a child. He was an alcoholic and a smoker. He rec'd a liver transplant when I was 19. He received a kidney transplant from his longtime girlfriend 3 months before my mom died.  He stopped smoking a few years ago however it was the effects of the smoking that got him in the end. People don't understand how I can be sad he's gone when he wasn't a kind person to me up until around the time Shane and Shelby were born. I think it boils down to the loss of second chances, the ending of any possibilities of him becoming the man I always dreamed of - someone who would: say "I love you," someone who would give me kisses or hugs, someone who would say, "I'm proud of you."   Ironically, I've loved on the "orphan" for years thru emergency placement infant foster care and now I am the one without a mother or father....doing life the best I can w/my own issues, a hubby w/disabilities, a daughter with severe disabilities and foster blessings, who in my current case - was born with no signs of life and a grandma w/dementia.

Hits & Misses

Yesterday (Friday), Steve and Shelby left a little after 7 a.m. to head to Shelby's favorite camp. Steve didn't get home until after 9 p.m..!!!  Grateful my hubby can do so much driving in one day.

Meanwhile, Shane and I went to KFC to p/u lunch to take to my Grandma's, we ate, he played a game of scrabble w/my Grandma and I then did his reading while she and I played one more game.

The baby, Shane and I arrived home and had some down time before heading to our friend's house for their twin boy's birthday party.

While there, I received a call from Shelby's camp that she had had a seizure. :(

Today (Saturday), The Baby, Steve and I went out to breakfast en route to meet up w/Shane and the bday boy's house and we had the best conversation with the couple from the table next to ours.

We went to our friend's house and the original plan was for us to have lunch there then head to the Luis Palau festival. However, it was forecasted to be 109 degrees and the baby is naturally warm then add his heart problems and his meds and that just wasn't going to be safe for him.   I was bummed but we made the best of it and wound up staying there until after 9 p.m.

During my goodnight phone call to my Grandma, she admitted she wasn't having a good breathing day :(

The highlight of my day: Baby went "swimming" for the first time ever!!! :) The swimmy diaper time, we spent about 5 minutes outside and he did ok. He wasn't too sure about everything but was a trooper. Later, as the sun was heading down, we went back out and just dunked his feet and later he "stood" on the first step in the water so the water went maybe to his ankles and he was loving it - it was cooler, he felt comfortable with everyone in the water giving him so much attention and it was a great experience.

Lots

Lots going on on this first Thursday of Summer Vacation:

• Baby had occupational therapy
• He and I dropped off the van to have the brakes looked at
• Shelby's friend came over
• Multiple calls to my Grandma - today were special labs she needed to do and goodness if it wasn't complete frustration trying to get an answer from my sweet forgetful Grandma!
• Wheelchair fix-it man came over
• Received more bad news from the regional center that helps Shelby
• Made copies for my licensing SW, for today's OT, for other people
• Called pediatrician to get a referral to a ped neurologist
• Steve drove into the driveway, Baby and I ran out to go p/u the van
• He swung by the Farmer's Market on the way home (vs. a family trip)
• The labs peeps called me and phew - my grandma's helper brought the right lab sheet!!!
• We had an early dinner
• He left to take Shane to his last day of BLITZ (church) camp
• Shelby is almost totally packed for tomorrow
• The night is still young... ;)

"The Ants Go..."

Woke up with a migraine, took some meds, tried to sleep, hung out by the toilet just in case, tried to rest, thoughts of "does Steve know where the goodbye letters are I typed years ago before I went on a cruise with my mom" swirled in my throbbing head. Many, many, many prayers later, my migraine was gone.

Adrienne (one of numerous people who come to my house for one reason or another to "help" Baby) performed another assessment on the little guy. Where he scored 20 last time, he scored 55. Where he scored 0, he received a 25...he rocks!!!

Years ago when we knew Shelby would need a powerchair, Steve and I debated the pros and cons of minivan vs. full size van. We opted for a full size van w/a lift and a raised roof. Today is the perfect example of why we needed such a vehicle: Shelby had an appointment to get some of her equipment modified/fixed/adapted, etc. She was in her power chair, her manual chair was next to her, her potty chair was in two large pieces on the back bench seat and baby was in the front with me (yes, very naughty - I know).  It was a VERY full van. So, we arrived at the appt, and I unloaded everything/everyone and put Baby in the front pack. Shelby drove her powerchair and I pushed the manual chair w/Baby's diaper bag and pulled her potty chair and you could've heard the song about the ants go marching one by one...yeah - we were a sight to see. It was funny to hear people in the therapy area's comments and then it dawned on them, "How in the world did you fit all that in your van?!"

Shelby did really, really well at the long visit and the Baby did phenomenal. So, as a reward, we went to the DQ drive thru. When we were about to pay, we saw a person who appeared homeless. I was already thinking of what I was going to say at the window to the employee waiting to take my money when Shelby piped in, "Mom, we HAVE to do something!!"  Long story short, the teenager had a full tummy shortly after we left. :)

Grandma's Appointment

After a decent morning (the first full day of summer vacation and there was only minimal sibling bickering), a new respite person came over and we LOVED her!!! So excited we are back to having a main respite person and a back up - sweet!!

Baby and I then loaded up, drove to Grandma's house, hung out for about 40 minutes, gave the little guy a bottle and played then we were off to her Pulmonologist's office. She weighed in at 88 pounds. Shane (almost 12) is skinny and 90 pounds. Crazy.

Between the COPD and the severe osteoporosis w/curvature, her lungs are compressed which is affecting her breathing. He ordered a chest xray and renewed her prescription for breathing medications and inhalers. Then we hopped in the car and drove 30 seconds to a different building to have a chest xray done. I was helping Baby stand when he started tooting and Grandma told him to stop being embarassing. ;)  Then she (loudly) asked me what his dad is (regarding nationality) to which I responded with I don't know. Since there was a couple sitting very close, I thought it would be best to clarify that biomom told the social workers that biodad is african american but there's never been a paternity test so we don't know for sure. ;)   As I was driving out of the parking lot Grandma thought it was a good idea to get milkshakes. I thought perfect - she can start to put more weight on. But alas, we arrived back to her house and what happened to her drink? She shared it with her poodle. Yeah, so much for packing on the pounds!

Summer Vacation = Meltdown???

The big kids went off for their last day of 6th grade, I took off for an early visit to my Grandma's, came home and was able to get a bunch of phone calls and e-mails done then the kids got home after a 4 hour day. Within the first 5 minutes of being home, Shelby threw the meltdown of all meltdowns.

It was bad. really. bad.

It lasted a long. long. time.

Respite came and I sent her and Shane off to have lunch at DQ.

Shelby was still in meltdown mode.

One and a half hours after it began - it was finally over.

She then had a great visit w/her respite until...she and Shane had an "issue" in the office. Shane made some poor choices, as did Shelby. Shane stormed out of the house. Eventually, we had calm come back.

Steve came home, we ate a super early dinner then the big boys were off to the first night of BLITZ - our church's version of vacation bible study. Shane was in the evening session of the middle school ministry and he had a blast!!!

Meanwhile, Baby screamed in his sleep a couple times today :(, he had a hard time w/his saliva today    :(  but did so good at my Grandma's, was cuter than cute munching on his fingers today, was very sweet during his bath and overall while awake did awesome today - love, love, love him!!!

Sick &Tired

Shelby told me: "I am sick and tired of you visiting Nanny every day."

In November Adult Protective Services got involved with my Grandma for reasons I will not disclose in any public media forum. However, drastic measures were taken and I am now completely involved in my Grandma's life including multiple phone calls every day and daily visits. Most of these visits are done w/o my kids even knowing I've been to her house although on weekends, that's a different story. For a while, the 5 of us would go together on Saturday and bring/make her brunch. Lately, with our schedule changing, I sometimes leave all the kids home except for the baby with Steve but occassionally I will bring Shelby with me. The kids understand her memory issues and know that with my mom and dad dead and Nanny's (my grandma's) two sons for all intents and purposes out of the picture, the brunt of her care falls on me.

Me. A person who is married to a man who has had 3 total hip replacements, 2 carpal tunnel surgeries, has frequent leg/hip pain - bursitis, nerve damage, scar tissues issues, multiple headaches each month, and other issues from his joints being bone on bone.

Shane: ADHD

Shelby: She is 77 pounds of solid dead weight - she is severely disabled, (spastic quadraplegia cerebral palsy),&  isn't able to sit, stand, walk, roll, or crawl. She uses a powerchair for mobility.

Me: I've fought an eating disorder and a sugar addiction for years.

We do emergency placement infant foster care for medically fragile babies.  We've been loving on our current miracle baby for 16 weeks.

So, not only am I taking care of my family, I am doing everything for my Grandma and then for our foster blessing...so, I am in essence taking care of 6 people/3 households and some days the pressure is a lot - grocery shopping for Grandma, paying her bills, daily visits - 30 minutes each way, doing dishes, laundry, shopping, bills for my family, all ADL's for Shelby, taking care of our precious foster blessing who was born with no signs of life, trying not to be frustrated all the times my husband can't do anything to help...

Then to have Shelby tell me she is sick and tired of me trying to do my best for everyone involved...she told me I should just put Nanny into the assisted living facility Nanny doesn't want to live in (but because I have power of attorney, technically I can, but that's not where Nanny wants to be so I haven't made that choice yet - when her memory gets worse and she needs more assistance than I and her 4-7:30 p.m. helpers can provide, then I will but for the moment, this is how things will be.)  

The kid's last day of school is tomorrow so this will be new doing Nanny visits with the kids being home, well - kind of since they each have camps and other activities going on. Still, the pressure is huge and I put so much pressure and guilt on me to begin with then comments like Shelby's...ugh!!!

Unexpected Rewards

Shane:

• Tried 3 different names of previous foster blessings in rapid succession before he gave up and asked, "What's his name again?!"  ;)
• Received an award for "Outstanding and Consistent Effort in 6th Grade History and English for 2011-2012"
• Received a 62/100 on his last science test

Shelby:

• Received a poster from school where her face is atop a girl's standing body. It is the weirdest looking picture since the body is upright/not in a wheelchair. Shelby has NEVER been able to stand unassisted. It's just odd to look at. 
• Shelby received an Honor Roll Certificate at school for 3.5 or better for all four quarters
• On her final typing test, she was able to do 5 wpm  :}

Steve:

• He got his xray results and they weren't nearly as bad as I thought they'd be.
• He found a tick late last night after our fishing adventure - ick!
• He was quite the advocate for Baby when I was taking Shelby potty at a restaurant we went to tonight for a celebration for the kids being almost done w/their first year of middle school. Steve was hanging out with the baby and apparently a woman came right up to him and started talking about the baby and Steve told her the miracle man's full story and once Shelby and I were done, he told her he had to leave to go to church and she said, "God Bless You. I'll pray for you." How sweet is that?!

Baby:

• Is just growing up before our eyes - several people have told us how big he's getting
• Is really enjoying putting toys in his mouth and playing with them using his hands
• Can't lie flat on his back anymore since he has too many problems managing his saliva and gags, chokes, flails his arms and just flat out panics.

Church:

• It was our pastor's birthday so on his birthday card, I asked everyone what they love the best about our Pastor. I asked Steve last. He read everyone's quotes. He said, "I like what Shane said" so that's what I wrote. ;)
• Last night the person in charge of the special needs event talked to me about the need for electric doors for both of the main buildings. I facebooked the need to our pastor and can't wait to see what happens.
• At church tonight a couple came to talk to Steve, the baby and I (he couldn't handle staying the whole time in the nursery again so he was asleep in my arms) and apparently we've talked to them before - truly they didn't look at all familiar, but they know us and our story and told us they talked w/their friend who does foster care and she wanted my number to be able to talk to someone with BTDT experience. Awesome!!

Wal-Mart:
We went to a different store than usual since we needed a better selection for clothes for Shelby and as we were almost done I saw a man pushing an adorable little guy in his cart and had another little munchkin walking with him. He came over to me (carrying Baby) and said he recognized me from one of my talks to the graduating class of foster parents. He was incredible - it was so fun to talk to him and I was able to ask him if he knew of this "binder" that Baby is listed in - if it's only something you might know about if you went to this once a month fair or if all potential adoptive families were aware of it and he told me they know about it - huge relief - I can't even express how awesome of a feeling that was to hear.

"I told you so"

Yesterday (Friday) was busy as our days usually are - The kids had their last full day of 6th grade, I visited my Grandma, Shelby's respite worker came over and then...

Baby's adoption social worker came over for his much anticipated monthly visit. I was under the impression that he was making phone call after phone call trying to find this precious baby a forever family. How wrong was I!!! It turns out that he is waiting for people to find out about Baby and call him. Say what?!  For all the people who said they doubted he was doing anything to find Baby a home esp. since we have always said we will keep the babies however long it takes for them to find their happily ever afters. Friends told me Baby would be low man on the totem pole. He is safe with us, loved and getting the therapy/doctor's appointments he needs so why would the SW try hard to find him a home esp. if he is overworked and has other kids in more of a crisis situation?  Well, my friends can now say "I told you so." The SW has not made any phone calls, hasn't put Baby on any photolisting, etc. Apparently, there is an adoption fair once a month and Baby's picture and bio is in that binder that potential families can look at. That's it. Ugh.

After he left, we got ready for an early dinner, respite left, we dropped off Shelby at a church event for children with special needs they do once a month and Shelby made a new friend and had a blast.

Meanwhile, Shane, Steve, Baby and I went to a new fishing place and the allure of the river was too much for Shane - he quickly took everything off but his boxers and went swimming :)  Later, at a boat launch area, Shane made a new BFF - a black lab - that deemed Shane was his official tennis ball thrower and the lab was ridiculously cute getting Shane's attention. Baby adored the outside time, Steve tried fishing a couple different places and a few hours later discovered a tick had befriended him - ewww!!!

This morning, I was asking Steve about why he thinks Baby has a hard time lying flat on his back lately - it's like he can't handle his saliva anymore in that position and chokes/gags/flails his arms out. Steve's opinion - it might be the CP affecting his tongue and therefore his swallowing. :( 

Flowers & Farmer's Markets

• Baby's therapist came over today and brought Baby 2 high-contrast cloth books for him to borrow and she brought me two long stemmed red roses!!! So very thoughtful :)
• My social worker came over today and our foster care license is renewed for another year. As she was leaving she was very complimental for everything I do beyond foster care and that was truly appreciated
• Shelby had a friend come over and when she left, the 5 of us loaded into the van to check out a nearby Farmer's Market. It was tiny but so much fun!!! We "window shopped" then had a family meeting and used Shane as our human calculator. We had $21. We bought some salsa, green beans, white peaches, strawberries, apricot jam and had so much fun.
• We came home, ate a bunch of our new goodies and everything was so delicious!!
• This evening, during my "good night" phone call w/my Grandma, she told me what time she wants me to come over tomorrow. Made me sad since she won't recall that conversation tomorrow. My latest book has one spouse who is dying, the wife unexpectedly died and I haven't got to what happens to the 3 kids yet...Shelby's currently singing a Hannah Montana song about "Yesterday is gone, we got to keep going on..." Hmmm....seeing a theme here...still needing to deal with the past 6 months of "issues." As my dad's girlfriend says - one day at a time

Village

Yesterday (Wednesday) was a really good day :)

After talking to my Grandma we decided on me not coming over in the morning like my usual routine since Shane and Shelby had an ortho appt close by Nanny's house and we'd all just come over after that appt thereby saving the Baby (and I) one whole hour in the van - sweet!

So, Baby and I went to Wal Mart and did our shopping and Nanny's shopping. I put Baby in the front pack facing out and he did the best he's ever done! In the card section, we had a nice conversation with a lady and towards the frozen food section, he was starting to get a little fussy so we grabbed a new toy from the baby department that had lights and sounds and I held that in front of him and that saved us all the way through the aisles. In the deli area, an employee asked me, "Did you have another one?" - No, I explained, we do foster care with babies, I don't keep popping them out ;)  Baby adored this lady and smiled and smiled for her. We told her his story and had a great visit with her.   I checked out and by the time I put Baby in his car seat he was asleep which was super helpful since I had to unload all the groceries and put all the perishables away.

After Shane and Shelby got home from school, we got loaded in the van and drove to the ortho appt 1/2 hour away. While there, Shane was in the back w/the doctor, Baby was asleep in his car seat and Shelby was studying for today's LAST social studies test when she informed me she had to go potty - then Baby started waking up so Kathy (the ortho's wife/office manager) saved the day and held Baby while I took Shelby potty. By the time we got out, Shane was done and Baby did really well for Kathy. Some days, especially with my family, it takes a village and for someone who really, truly, doesn't like asking for help, there are some instances where I definitely need a helping hand.

Speaking of which, I called UCP to arrange for a new respite person to come out next week since Nanny's pulmonology appt is on the kid's first full day of summer, I didn't have it in me to drag Shelby to that appt. The respite office found someone that sounds awesome and I'm so relieved - we might have a new person who can help us out and be our back up. I verified she can lift Shelby's weight (in the past, we've been sent teeny tiny people who can't lift at all - WTH???) and ironically enough, she works at the preschool Shelby went to but she's in the developmental preschool room vs. the orthopedically "handicapped" room - really don't like the "h" word!!!

After ortho, we drove to visit Nanny as planned. Her afternoon helper was there and we truly had a wonderful hour long visit - Baby got to stretch out, get changed, have a bottle, play with toys, "chat" with Nanny, it was great!  Steve made a yummy dinner and it was almost ready when we got back from our big adventure.

The kids did teacher thank you cards, I worked on the kid's birthday invitations, we watched some tv then their video yearbook and before we knew it it was bible study, prayer and bedtime!

Tuesday's Trials

At breakfast Shelby told me her chair never charged last night despite me having the powerchair charger plugged in to both her chair and the outlet.  So, after she finished eating, Shane grabbed her manual chair from the garage, I transferred Shelby into her manual plus all her misc. stuff - backpack, mister, spray bottle, lunch, etc then Shane looked like a mini mechanic and went underneath to try to get the seat belts to where they needed to be and I grabbed a screwdriver to try to pry the chest strap buckle in the back to do my best to tighten the straps. This chair doesn't have foot straps but I tried plan B. Didn't work. I told Shelby where I was putting the screwdriver (in her backpack) to which she told me it's against the rules. I told her they didn't apply to us! ;) For the record - I completely agree with not bringing tools/weapons to school, however, Shelby's one of the few kiddos in a wheelchair...rules are made to be broken!  Baby was patiently waiting for a bottle during this fiasco which was extra rushed since the bus arrival was moments away. I then pushed Shelby out to the bus driver in all my crazy haired glory (I hadn't had time to fix my hair yet due to the morning's wacky chain of events)

Shane left soon after for school and Baby drank his much awaited bottle and eventually took a nap - just in time for me to zoom through the house and do dishes, laundry, bible study, my hair,  some computer stuff via my phone and get the family room ready for the vision specialist to arrive.

She was AMAZED at Baby's progress since the last time she was over. I had to wake the poor guy up for Barbara's visit but he did incredible - so, so proud!!

He fell asleep in my arms at the end of her visit so after she left, we got in the car, picked up my Grandma and went to the nearest mall for her to buy some jeans.  Her breathing hasn't been the best so we took it easy. I did as much work as I could. While she tried on her jeans, I had a phenomenal talk with two ladies about a child recently adopted who was also a victim of a mom who has a drug addiction (like Baby's biomom).  This child had a happy ending. I can't wait for "our" precious little guy's happily ever after!!!  This afternoon I was able to schedule a pulmonology appt.

Grandma and I drove to pick up some lunch (took 15 minutes - oops, so much for trying to hurry her back home) and ate then Baby and I drove home.

Shane brought home a new shuffle and a $25 app gift card + a front of the line pass for lunch tomorrow - he was thrilled!!

Shelby brought home her newspaper report - she received 595/600!!!

Steve came home, grabbed Kona (poodle) and Shane and off they went to have her double ear infection checked.

I tried a familiar recipe with a cute twist for dinner, Shelby and I watched "Push Girls" - a new show about 4 ladies who use wheelchairs, Shane charged his shuffle and downloaded some songs, I gave Shelby a shower, Baby a bath, we did bible study and prayers, kids went to bed and now I'm trying to play computer catch up and next is dishes duty.

Monday Melody

• Kristin texted me at 7 that the photographs she took last week were uploaded to her site - so excited to see "my" precious boy from her camera lens!
• Had a good morning with Baby getting a great nap - was really productive
• Had lunch and played 2 scrabble games w/my Grandma
• Steve got off work early and went to the doctor's. He's now waiting for xrays - super proud of him for discussing more than the original issue he went to the doctor's for. 
• Shelby came home with a broken powerchair joystick. She apologized for being in a wheelchair :(
• Shane's $75 textbook he lost is now only going to cost us $25 - sweet!!
• Kona (poodle w/double ear infection) pooped in the house... AGAIN.
• Shelby's friend who is autistic yet super affectionate is over for a spontaneous visit.
• Shane did a awesome photo for camp (Shelby's camp is doing a video for incoming camp counselors and is asking all prior campers to come up w/3 words that best describe their camp experience. He printed out a picture of him holding a catfish and is holding that w/one hand, puckering up his lips into fish face and holding a piece of paper that says "fish kissing fun" - love it!!)
• E-mailed Adoption Social Worker latest stats on lil man + request for June visit.
• I received a "private caller" call on my cell. Whomever it was hung up before I could answer. It's driving me nuts - was it the baby's sw? my sw? a new baby needing a home? visitation sw? In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter - still curious though! ;)
• Shane did his science presentation and Shelby turned in her "maya newspaper" - they each only have one more test to go for sixth grade - wahoo!!!

Weekend Re-Cap

Friday night was a home night - super chill and "relaxing."

Saturday was a busy day from sun up to sun down. The highlights were a crazy productive morning, then Shelby's friend came over, I ran to a grocery store while Baby slept, everyone had lunch, Baby and I scooted off to visit my Grandma, we came home, Shelby's friend left, we ate dinner, went to church (where Baby was a momma's boy and couldn't handle being in the nursery), then we went shopping at a party store for the kid's birthday supplies - very fun :)  We came home and watched one of our latest favorite shows and off to bed we went - with the Baby since he was being super velcro boy :)

Sunday was off to football for the boys while Shelby, the Baby and I went to visit my Grandma, we all arrived home about the same time, we did our chores, hung out, I was a multi tasker in the kitchen and made brownies, banana bread, "helped" Shelby husk the corn for Steve to BBQ that along w/my boca burger and their chicken, I hard boiled eggs, it was fantastic!! Dinner turned out amazing, we had a good evening, Baby had a bath and peed on me right before entering his "tub," we did pictures for Shelby's camp video where the kids needed to think of three words to describe their feelings about this amazing camp, I cheated and allowed the Baby's message to be longer: Nothing is louder than love.  Right as I was about to transfer Shelby onto her potty chair, I discovered her pull up was wet (she had to wear the pull up since she pooped her pants yesterday). Shelby then argued for the remainder of the evening that it wasn't her that peed her pull up. Hmmm....is there a pee fairy? ;) jk. Eventually the kids went to bed after I weighed Shelby (her helper needed to know her weight - 77 pounds and Shane is 90. Baby is 12.3 :) And I am WAY too much!!!

Steve and I watched a weight loss show.  Yes, I see the irony after making brownies. ;)

All in all, a good weekend - the kids finished up their final projects for the school year (Shane - did a science project at a friend's house on Friday afternoon complete w/power point and Shelby completed her Maya "newspaper"),  we had some fun down time, certain chores/honey do's didn't get done - Steve had a headache all weekend and his body wasn't feeling good so no massive week pulling, gutter fixing, etc happened :(  Oh well, there's always next weekend.  Shane informed us he lost a $75 textbook and received a 57/100 on a science test. Shelby is full of s*x questions due to the family life class at school...it's always something!!!